Apple Announces Press Conference for iPhone 4

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soo-nah-mee

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Steve Jobs: "We at Apple would like to inform the general public that any negative information regarding the iPhone 4 is completely untrue, and that you idiots are going to buy the device, even if it is proven to give you colon cancer with 1 week of purchase. Thank you."
 

TwoDigital

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That'll be it... everyone can bring their iPhone 4 to either the Apple Store or AT&T Wireless and get several free 1-inch-long pieces of either black or reflective silver "iTape" for that antenna joint. :)
 

mi1ez

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[citation][nom]halls[/nom]That's Steve trying to issue an apology.[/citation]
It's steve trying to get reception!
 

soo-nah-mee

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Photo caption: "Now if you'll observe closely, I'll demonstrate how to firmly insert the iPhone 4 into your rectal cavity, where you're guaranteed to get full reception regardless of your hand position."
 

Anomalyx

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[citation][nom]mi1ez[/nom]It's steve trying to get reception![/citation]
Looks to me like he's just simply holding the press conference wrong.
 

awood28211

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Ah! It'll be none that! Steve's going to announce video chat over 3G. It's less convenient than over Wi-Fi but you simply call the person you want to video chat then set across the room from them. Steve will say that no phone on the market offers such resolution and this feature is called "TRUE Retina display."
 

dman3k

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Do they really need to call a special press conference on Friday?

"We screwed up. We are announcing a recall of all iPhone 4's."

Let's hope it's shorter than "The Decision" on ESPN.
 

hellwig

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Apple must preserve their brand to survive. However, this means they cannot admit the fault was theirs. Their slogan, after all, is that "It Just Works". To admit there is any problem with the device would be to admit it doesn't "just work".

Instead, Apple will go on the defensive, saying a small, yet vocal, handful of people continue to hold the phone wrong, and insist that there is no problem. They will accuse Consumer Reports of having anti-Apple bias. They will play the victim.

Their legions of [strike]mindless[/strike]devoted followers will feel sympathetic. They will boycott Consumer Reports (driving the not-for-profit out of business). They will purchase a new iPhone4, even though they already bought one a month ago. They will buy the iPhone 5, even though its just a brick with a crudely-drawn on Apple logo. Its just what fanatics do. You can't reason with them.

Long story short, Apple stays in business because when you don't have a good reason to own their product in the first place (over better, cheaper competitors), its hard to talk you out of not owning it.
 

rohitbaran

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Maybe, they are going to say: Dear loyal stupid customers, we have planned to stop support for iphone 4 and would be releasing the iphone 5 that would come with a rubber band fused with the body antenna! No more reception problems! :p
 

itsmarik

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Steve will tell the world there is nothing wrong with the iPhone 4, but instead the user is completely at fault. Then he will suggest everyone upgrade to 5 next summer, which will address aforementioned "user errors".
 

awood28211

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From another site:

"On the same phone with iOS 4 where we experienced dropped calls while covering the lower left part of the iPhone 4, we still had dropped calls with iOS 4.1. But this time, the calls were dropping with two signal bars still showing. Previously they would drop with zero signal bars showing."
 

willgart

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Steve demonstrates how to correctly use your iPhone. Everybody not using it like this don't understand how an phone works and how to use it ;)
mmm... a videoconference like this will provide interesting results :)

Another explanation is: Steve try to take a picture of his ass for the tomorrow conference.... ;)
 

mikem_90

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[citation][nom]mi1ez[/nom]It's steve trying to get reception![/citation]

Steve jobss illustrating the correct manner in which to hold the Iphone4.

*soothing voice*
Stance: The Jobb.

Grip the Iphone Gently in your right hand, holding it down like you would a cheeseburger. Bend down on one knee and lean forward. Curl your left arm down under your buttock. Notice how the tension and rage drains out of your body along with all feeling altogether. When you wake up, you find all your cares have left you along with your Iphone 4 and Wallet.
 

Strider-Hiryu_79

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The press conference will be about how to hold the iPhone 4 properly.

It's a super duper secret way of holding it. The picture above could be a potential hint.
 
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