CIA Agent: Mr. President Jane Doe has just changed her Facebook status to single!
Obama: Dear God.... I thought her and John would last forever...
CIA Agent: Mr. President what do we do!? Did you not see the pictures of the cute puppy they have just gotten together? For the love of God what do we do!?
Obama: We can fix this problem, together, yes we can!
CIA Agent: It seems Jane accepts anyone that offers to be her friend she's being attacked by trolls! Responding to her status change with "u mad bro" and a dog that suggests drinking bleach!
Obama: Go to Defcon 1 and may God help us all.
Because Facebook is serious business.