eccentric909
Distinguished
To win custody of my child, I had to "prove" to be an able parent, meanwhile they granted the mother custody without having to prove a damn thing.
Luckily a year and a half later, after I had proven I was a good father and she had proven how much of an idiot she was, I finally was granted full custody. There were also clear signs of neglect and child services had been called quite a few times before and after the battle for custody was underway.
The courts are so gender bias when it comes to custody, it's ridiculous. While this father shouldn't have kidnapped his kids, I do understand where he was coming from and his frustration with the court system and the clear and present bias that is held.
I had to take parenting classes and jump through so many hoops just to prove I could be a father, while she didn't have to do anything whatsoever and had child services called on her BEFORE we even went to court. So, does it really seem fair that I was the one who had to "prove" I was able? I had not done anything except pay child support and fight tooth, nail and claw only to get to see him whenever she decided I could. Which is when I decided to press the issue with the court.
Even still, in their eyes (for a year and a half) a neglectful mother was a better parent than the father who paid child support on time and was fighting for all he could to see his child. I was doing what was best for my child and trying to offer him a better life, rather than his crazy mother (who later had 4 more children, all of which she has been on the brink of losing many times).
She was granted supervised visits once every 2 weeks, how often do you think she actually makes it to see him? Currently she visits maybe ONCE per year. Even still the bias that remains is ridiculous and even though I have full custody, her child support is set at... a huge $25 a week (and has never been changed), of which she doesn't even pay. 12 years ago when she had custody, I was paying $85 a week. Talk about a slap in the face. But you know what? I don't press the courts for the money, it doesn't matter in the end, because my son is happier, healthier and much better off than he ever would have been with her in the picture, or *shudder* with her as his full-time parent.
The system is screwed up and really needs to change. Of course there are dead-beats on both sides, but the days of the mother automatically being granted custody need to end. Our court system shouldn't be so biased in the mother's favor. Equality should take precendence over some antiquated notion that the kid is always better off with the mother, because they're not.
There is no justice in this story. What the father did was not right, but I can easily sympathize with him. I know what it's like to try and fight within that system. $12,000 and a year and half of court battles was enough to make me want to rip my hair out, over a bias that is completely skewed towards the mother, that fathers barely even stand a chance. Still to this day, I believe if I had not hired a fantastic lawyer, that nutcase would still have custody of my son. She of course, didn't have to hire anyone, the court was already on her side (even with documented cases of neglect against her).
Luckily a year and a half later, after I had proven I was a good father and she had proven how much of an idiot she was, I finally was granted full custody. There were also clear signs of neglect and child services had been called quite a few times before and after the battle for custody was underway.
The courts are so gender bias when it comes to custody, it's ridiculous. While this father shouldn't have kidnapped his kids, I do understand where he was coming from and his frustration with the court system and the clear and present bias that is held.
I had to take parenting classes and jump through so many hoops just to prove I could be a father, while she didn't have to do anything whatsoever and had child services called on her BEFORE we even went to court. So, does it really seem fair that I was the one who had to "prove" I was able? I had not done anything except pay child support and fight tooth, nail and claw only to get to see him whenever she decided I could. Which is when I decided to press the issue with the court.
Even still, in their eyes (for a year and a half) a neglectful mother was a better parent than the father who paid child support on time and was fighting for all he could to see his child. I was doing what was best for my child and trying to offer him a better life, rather than his crazy mother (who later had 4 more children, all of which she has been on the brink of losing many times).
She was granted supervised visits once every 2 weeks, how often do you think she actually makes it to see him? Currently she visits maybe ONCE per year. Even still the bias that remains is ridiculous and even though I have full custody, her child support is set at... a huge $25 a week (and has never been changed), of which she doesn't even pay. 12 years ago when she had custody, I was paying $85 a week. Talk about a slap in the face. But you know what? I don't press the courts for the money, it doesn't matter in the end, because my son is happier, healthier and much better off than he ever would have been with her in the picture, or *shudder* with her as his full-time parent.
The system is screwed up and really needs to change. Of course there are dead-beats on both sides, but the days of the mother automatically being granted custody need to end. Our court system shouldn't be so biased in the mother's favor. Equality should take precendence over some antiquated notion that the kid is always better off with the mother, because they're not.
There is no justice in this story. What the father did was not right, but I can easily sympathize with him. I know what it's like to try and fight within that system. $12,000 and a year and half of court battles was enough to make me want to rip my hair out, over a bias that is completely skewed towards the mother, that fathers barely even stand a chance. Still to this day, I believe if I had not hired a fantastic lawyer, that nutcase would still have custody of my son. She of course, didn't have to hire anyone, the court was already on her side (even with documented cases of neglect against her).