Hi,
I saw this thread and had to chime in! Sorry in advance for length of rant!
I do tech support for a small computer supplier. We specialise in Music and Audio related computers. I am the only one who does tech support for the company, so no 'faceless' corporation or the like. No timed calls, we spend as long as it takes to fix the problem. We offer
lifetime technical support at no extra charge. Of course the hardware warranty is one year. We will help you set new software up, install new hardware, even give you general advice on how to run your rig and help in learning the software. (Not too in depth, but some good help). Send us your cards and peripherals and we install it. We also have a facility to dial into your computer and fix software related problems. Our turn around times for repairs are usually within a week and we pay for courier both ways whilst in the first year. So for me personally, I have over 10 years of computer experience and specifically audio/computer related troubleshooting. I have been with this company since the beginning and consequently know everything about our sysem intimately.
So you would think that people would see what a great service we offer right? No way! I have come up against every customer that has been described here. It is so true that if you are patient and nice, you will get the best service. People who are rude and arrogant get the bare minimum. However I will still sort them out as it just means more grief and time later. I can't punt it to anyone else!
Troubleshooting has a procedure. There is a reason for it. You need to cover all bases in order to get to a reasonable conclusion. For 70% of problems, I know what the problem is within the first 30 seconds of the phone call. I can skip the usual questions and tell them immediately how to fix the problem, or get the machine in for repair. More complex problems require the procedure. It is essential. What most people don't realise, is that it is for their benefit. If the wrong diagnosis is made, it just costs you more time. I have shortcutted my own procedure many times and have wound up with the wrong end of the stick. You can actually be a victim of your own experience. You think 'oh it's definately this' and spend days trying to fix the problem. Only to find that if you had been more systematic in your approach you would have found out the problem sooner. (One customer had no sound out of the computer. I spent a good half hour going through re-install, checking IRQ's, the works. Only to find out that she actually had no speakers attached to the computer.

So those boring seeminlgy pointless 'is it plugged in?' questions are also vital.) Trobleshooting in its' most purest form is a droll, logical process of elimination. It isn't magic.
If you have done some troubleshooting yourself, I will happily listen and will be glad you have at least tried to sort it out yourself. But just because you think the hard drive is faulty, doesn't make it so. I need to be sure for myself before I will authorise anything. I can't tell you how many times someone has called up and said 'it is definately this' only for me to spend 1 minute on the phone and prove it is something else. Of course, if the investigation reveals what you thought it was, great! Job done. People won't even let me spend 10 mins going through my procdure to help them. 'Time is money'. You may be right, I am not saying different, just let me do my job.
When people utter those immortal words 'I'm a professional,' my experience has shown that they rarely are. I almost never hear from the real professionals. They guy on the end of the phone is usually just starting to make money out of music and thinks he has now made it! If I need to get the computer back for repair, they always ask 'how long?' I quote 5-10 working days but usually inside a week. (often it is 3 days). You then brace yourself. 'WHAT?' I have Madonna (insert relavent celebrity here) recording tomorrow, I need that machine. I run a professional studio and this will costs us money!' ..pause..
Ok, so, you are making a living out of your computer. It is vital to the running of your business. What is the first rule? HAVE A F*&%$£* backup system! By the very fact people kick up a stink about the very short repair time, instantly reveals their amatuer status. Then there is all the down talking to me and co-workers.
As to people who wave their credentials at me...Sorry pal, doesn't impress me in the slightest. MCSE's are as common as grass these days. Any muppet can do it and even if you are slightly adept, I still don't care. Don't tell me you are a network admin, even less impressive. (Or worse, a consultant) And when your 'mate' in 'IT' said that the motherboard needs to be replaced, won't make me work any faster or change my procedure. I have never, ever met a network admin or someone involved in IT for companies or the like, to be very good at troubleshooting computers. They know their area, but as to hardware problems or even installing Windows and associated issues, forget it. I was truly stunned by this realisation. I certainly don't know everything, (Not very good with networking and can't program) and readily admit when I don't know something. But often these guys just can't let go that someone just may know something they don't. (Why are you calling?)
I like first timers and people with no experience. Especially if they are in a receptive mood and willing to let you guide them. If they are there ready to fight, then there is nothing I can do. If someone calls and has no clue about computers, but are nice, I will happliy tell them that they can't use the CD tray for drinks without a trace of condescension. I'll spend a long time explaining things that I am not required to. But when some twat rings up who 'knows enough to be dangerous' and proceeds to talk down to me, then f.u., you deserve all the bad support/attitude in the west.

If you want to 'talk techie' great, it means I can skip a lot of boring small details. Just treat me with respect.
Wow sorry about that essay! I guess its' nice to see other people out there who have shared the experience!
