Archived from groups: alt.cellular.cingular (More info?
"Røbert M." <email@example.comIty> wrote in message
> Good luck. The whole system is very user hostile. They should hire me to
> write documentation.
But that would require the use of facts, not opinions. This would
I can imagine what the documentation you provided would consist of:
SETTING UP EMAIL ACCESS ON YOUR PHONE
1. Ignore the Owners Manual, just like you did with the contract.
2. Turn on phone.
3. Wait for Cingular to contact you. This is the least they can do for a
4. If 7 seconds pass without a call from Cingular, call Customer Service
immediately and ask to speak to a Supervisor.
5. Yell at the Supervisor hysterically, asking him why they didn't contact
you the second your phone connected to the network, and why they continue to
have known issues with their phones that they purposely hide from the
public. Demand that they immediately credit your account for $200 to
compensate you for the inconveniences you experienced over the last 45
seconds in calling them, and that they need to give you 4 free phones, each
with an unlimited plan for a total of $5 a month, or you are going to cancel
your service immediately.
6. Call Executive Services (should be easy to do- the Supervisor just hung
up on you). In the same hysterical manner, tell them how rude the
Supervisor was to you, and that he was too incompetent to resolve your issue
(ignoring the fact that you never explained your problem to the Supervisor).
When they direct you to the Owners Manual, berate them for suggesting such
an unfriendly customer approach, and that they need to publish a larger and
more accurate Owners Manual, because you can't distinguish the commas from
the periods without your reading glasses, and this is an obvious attempt to
decieve you. This time, demand 5 phones that they will pay you $750 to
take, and a lifetime subscription to their data network, or you will contact
your State's AG.
7. Call Cingular's Legal Department. After the tone, threaten them with
immediate legal action if your email is not working by the time you hang up
7. When the form letter arrives from Cingular a week later, thanking you
for your call, , write a letter to your State's AG, with copies to Cingular,
Motorola, UPS (they delivered the phone), your senators, representatives,
mayor, FCC, BBB, FTC, G.W. Bush, the CIA (because its a conspiracy), People
Magazine and the National Enquirer. In this letter, express your outrage at
the total lack of customer focus, the rude and unprofessional way you were
treated, and the inability of the company to resolve your issue. You might
also want to take a minute and explain what the problem is.
8. When the last form letter arrives from the above people, take them to a
lawyer. Don't forget to pay the six months in charges you have incurred
with Cingular to date.
9. Tell the lawyer you want to sure Cingular for breach of contract. Pay
the $200 retainer.
10. Appear in court just long enough for Cingular's lawyers to point out
the section of the Owners Manual that deals with your problem to the judge.
Ignore the laughter coming from the bench. Don't forget to get a
Non-Disclosure Agreement before you leave (it will come in handy later).
11. Go home.
12. Find the Owners Manual.
13. Read the Owners Manual.
14. Follow the directions provided in the Owners Manual.
15. Access your email.
16. Next day, go to alt.cellular.cingular. Start a thread, outlining your
victory against the Big Corporate Monster. Tell everybody how your wrote
your letters, took them to court and finally got your email to work (just
don't tell them how). When asked for any details, reference the
Non-Disclosure Agreement (I told you it would come in handy).
This would be the Robert way of getting your email to work.