I just woke up to find Google feed recommending this article and I had to sign up and say what's on my mind.
It's sad to see you have such an adamant opinion about Android without ever trying a Pixel phone - that one true Android experience, even more so since you seem to prefer the Google apps to their Apple counterparts. I must say I've owned only Pixels in the last 4 years and I don't believe I'm ever going back to any other phone maker (although I am tempted and curious) because of all the reasons you mentioned you love on an iPhone (the smooth experience, apps not crashing, phone never turning off or needing to restart).
I also believe it's a bit too soon for you to say NEVER GOING BACK to an OS after using a phone for only 2 weeks, which in the long term is rather insignificant. Trust me, you will encounter hiccups along the way, it's only natural and nothing is perfect.
Oh, that you don't need customization and that the iPhone better suits your needs (with MagSafe and all) that's a totally different thing to talk about.
But don't forget, people are different and there's a bunch of us who love Android for the free hand we're given, for the liberty it allows for other companies to build on, for the possibility to innovate, this giving Apple the way to implement features years and years after they've proven their use and value to the market.
I love Android because you don't have to pay a bag of money for apps and services and because I don't feel like I'm always a monkey in a cage, not being able to go my own way if that means it's different from the company's direction.