"I see the logical part of your brain isn't very helpful in determining that the whole cellphone health hazard issue isn't proven in any way, shape, or form."
The reason for that is simple, there's not enough data to build a statistical model from. Cellphones have not been in extensive use for a very long time and it could very well be 20-30 years before we get the first significant studies.
Generally speaking, better the poison you know...
Take foodstuffs for example, the FUD being spread regarding fat and sugar have created products full of artificial additives to (partially) replace such content but there's going to be a long time until we know the health impact of those.
Same thing applies here.
I'm 33 now, when I were in my teens there weren't any cellphones around and even today I generally don't carry my phone with me. Not so much out of fear of radiation though, more because I have no real need of communicating every single moment of my life.
It may come as a shock but the world at large did just fine without cellphones until the mid-90s. People simply made plans and stuck to them.