HP Pavillion dv8000 types wrong letters, keys not working!

Chakky

Prominent
Jun 16, 2017
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I'm on an HP Pavilion dv8000 (I know, I know; I'm poor. I can't upgrade!).

Yesterday it started typing "/" repeatedly. I rebooted, and then it refused to work at all. This morning, it started typing "j". Then nothing again. Now I come home from school and find that the first line of letter keys will type again...just wholly incorrectly. The only reason I can even type this right now is because I was lucky enough to have the on-screen keyboard in my start menu recents. The physical keyboard is unusable.

This is what happens when I hit the first row of letter keys, in order:

asdgfgfhjhjl';';

Yes, some of them type two characters now. They're almost all shifted down a row, too. Backspace also acts as F5, and i is tab. The right square bracket does something too, but I'm not quite sure what function it triggers. None of the other keys seem to do anything at all.

I've rebooted, reinstalled drivers, done a system restore...Even keyboard remapping does nothing. The only thing I haven't tried is messing with my two IMEs (Japanese and English), as it would be tedious to uninstall and reinstall everything.